P-DIDDY AND HIS BAND 'GRAB THAT', WITH PHIL SPECTREDIRECTOR AND THE FORMER MEMBERS OF CULTURE CLUB - NO 1 FOR FINANCIAL MISMANAGEMENT...!!!!

By Jove Missus, great news!

As many of you will know, I have been trying to cash in on the popularity of Old Boy Bands and promote them on my Radio Station, Bighead FM.

Then I got a marvellous idea while fondly looking at some old emails sent by Rory Storey, and how they helped me get on in the world.

I would put my own Boy Band together.

I thought let’s do it P-Diddy!

But it will need some skilled financial mis-management.

So, with that in mind, I looked to the man that has not only been at the forefront of helping to promote “My Boy” Bands but who has also presided over the Number 1 Financial Mismanagement in the country, Phil Spectredirector.

I thought, Hasitall!

He was one of my closest Diddymen at Cabal Records - and if anyone can help me pull together a rich pool of talentless pop idles it’s him!

A wonderful man, modest to the point of incredulity, never takes any of the credit for getting to the Number 1 spot.

Well, I didn’t have to wait long and within just a few months - for only £230k - we have managed to get Jason Orange (aka Jasper Harbottle) to join the ranks of my very own Boy Band, GRAB THAT!

And even better, thanks to the Spectre and Phil/Colin's collaboration, the money has all been donated by my loyal former subjects - the good people of Liverpool from their very own pockets, or at least it will be when they get their Serf Tax demand.

I can’t thank the kind hearted people of Liverpool enough for their financial support, without which we wouldn’t have our top line up, the talentless trio, joining me to bring music and laughter to the nationwide and other accounts.

So a big thank you for all the money you have given to get the boys together - Jason 230k, Chris 50k, Kevin 50K - and my thanks as well for all the help from Warren 50cents.

You may have noticed that all the band are former members of Culture Club.

But that means we are ready to re-release some of those great hits like “cowwa, cowwa, cowwa, cowwa council comedians, they come and go, they come and go, they come and go, oh”

And the biggest news is that now we have Harbottle, we are hoping to go on our European tour soon, starting in Spain, the Costa Bradlow and culminating in joining Macca himself at Anfield, who rumour has it, will be joined by Blondie, to watch Sir Pole McSlidey.

I think there is a Star Trek convention on at the same time - somebody told me that dozens of tickets have got Enterprise already written all over them. (INTERESTING, EDS)

Now I know what you are thinking, GRAB THAT! was never the same without Robyn Millions - the Aussie Osborne of Tasmanian puppet ballet cabaret.

But dear fans let me remind you, her initially promising hit “Let Me Entertain You” was only in the charts for a couple of weeks before she disappeared from the pop scene without a trace of £375,000.

But Robyn, if you’re reading this, “We want it back, we want it back for good”

Now of course the big thing these days is the elusive X Factor and if Einstein a Go Go was right and x = CEX squared (or cornered) then it is pretty certain that by May - or a lot sooner - we could be joined by the X leader of Style-less Council!

No names, no fire drill.

But remember with the X Factor, it’s the public who can decide in the end.

But a word of warning missus, don’t fall for those phone-in scams, vote in person, don’t dial any of those dodgy 233 numbers, those call centres are ripping you off for millions!

Ha, ha I should know!

All the results get Doctored!

So if you want to see us performing, we are hoping to get a gig at the Royal Court.

Sorry, I know many of you would prefer the Crown Court, but that’s Showbiz!

And we are prepared, as ever, to take what we can get.

And by Jove, we’ve got a lot!

And to think - really it’s all yours!

Ha ha, that’s why Liverpool will always hold a special place in my wallet.

The generosity of scousers is legendary.

In fact, it’s unbelievable!

People laugh when I tell them, but its true ladies and gentlemen!

God bless the good people of Liverpool for their generosity and humour.

Thanks to them we are already laughing all the way to the bank before we’ve even released our first single!

Maybe we can get a gig at the next Mathew Street Festival too?

Yes, don’t see why not, just one step farther is all we need!

Anyway, say nothing for now, Sirenz is golden!

Don’t forget when you do come to see us, bring the kids, there’s ice cream in the interval, all the way from Spain.

By Jove yes!

Capital of Culture 2008 will be remembered as the event that launched GRAB THAT!

Tatty Bye Everybody Tatty Bye

Not ‘Arf Pop Pickers.