THE COMEDY GREATS by Prof Chucklebutty (not to mention the porpoises now swimming in the Mersey...)

By Jove missus!
I understand that there is great disappointment amongst all those who were unable to get a ticket for my recent lecture “Liverpool The Comedy Greats” - nineteen hours of mirth filled anecdotes and reminsiss… reminisci…..memories of my comedy heroes.
The comic legends that have helped to fill Liverpool with tears and laughter that has spread around the whole country.
So for those of you who missed it, here is just a taste:
The comedy greats ladies and gentlemen, people like Tommy Harbarrow. He was of course best known for “ITMA.”
Are you all old enough to remember what that stands for?
Yes that’s right, ITMA - “I Threw Millions Away”.
And what was the other one that came at the end?
“TTFM “ yes! “Then Took F***ing More”!
By Jove, what a comedian he was.
Not only did he enjoy great personal financial success but he also had several appearances in Las Vegas, with regular cast member Clara Cogloose, who played Lotta Krapp the charlady.
Clara was herself of course already an international star for the long running American TV series about the scatterbrained redhead, “ I Love Loosey”.
She went on to form the company DizzyLoose Productions, responsible for making a number of programmes like, The Untouchables, and Perry Makin and perhaps the most popular programme of all time, Superlambonanza.
Yes who can forget 'Blognanza' as it was later called.
Yes, thanks to Tommy and Clara we got one of the most expensive cowboy productions ever seen.
Now another favourite of mine was, of course, the Big Hearted Halfwit himself, Arthur Bradsley.
The diminutive comic who was best known for jumping on any Bandwagon.
Born in Liverpool’s Wholyunsuitableland in Hoses Street, he enjoyed great lack of success with long time partner “Stinker” Storeyinthedock.
Perhaps their best-known routine was the ventriloquist act where Bradskey would be the aggressive but passionate dummy while the script and words were actually written and performed by ventriloquist Stinker.
The act worked well on radio but Stinker Storey wasn’t as good as he thought and on stage after a while, every time the public saw his lips move, they didn’t believe the act any more.
But my favourite of all time has to be the dry humour and monologues of Rob Hilton, and of course the classic Fireman Sketch.
Do you remember that one?

I said so you have written confirmation about being asked to go to see the Las Vegas show?
He said who?
I said you.
He said me?
I said aye,
He said no.
I said well nobody here can recall asking you to go or that they’d pay for it.
He said where?
I said there.
He said who?
I said them.
He said Oh!“
I said but they’d already seen it and everyone knew that it couldn’t be brought here.
He said what?
I said the show.
He said what show?
I said you know.
He said so?
I said so why should they have paid for you to see it?
He said what?
I said that.
He said when?
I said then, oh just go!
He said, I did and I took the missus as well.

And, of course, the famous monologue “The Day Warren broke out” featuring the two Winters of discontent, Mike and Berni.
I said come on Berni, we’re losing support here, let’s get out there on the doorsteps.
She said hang on while I put me teeth in.
I said we’re looking for votes not pork pies.

Ahh! Great comic performers we may never see their likes again.
I hope!
And now the Epiblog with the Rt Reverend Yaffle Chapplebutty
On a different subject, just a quick word before I go, about the environment.
Since the clean up of the Mersey, it has been reported that Salmon have been returning to our waters.
Now looking at some recent comments over the page in the Submarineculture site, I see that environmental issues have risen to the top of the agenda.
There are sudden fears that the Mersey has been infiltrated by the Common Porpoise. Yes this is a poisonous fish and very costly when a clean-up is made.

So in line with the theme of this page, I have taken advice from the renowned UnderSea Explorer Jacques Custard, who assures me that concerns about the rich pickings of these particular scavengers, and bottom feeders infiltrating the Mersey region are a diversion right now from the real issues.
He tells me that at the moment, they are not the real the anemones and at this time we need to concentrate our efforts on dealing with the existing pond life.
Liverpool they say, is the pool of life, so before the life is sucked out of us we need to get rid of the current leeches.
The Cuban Eels may have gone but there is still danger lurking in the evil coral.
As a matter of interest, the Common Porpoise was coaxed here with the help of the former Deputy Prime Minister John Presscoff to go with his chips and gravy.
You remember him?
He punched Edwina Currie for throwing a salmonella infected egg at him.
And during the BSE crisis, he ate John Selwyn Gummer to prove that condemned meat was safe. Now that was a chance for the Lib Dems to get the upper hand, they could have offered Cyril Smith for afters.
Then again Prescoff would probably have chased him down the street with a knife and fork.
Anyway the CP being a European connected fish has attracted the attention of USNOOZE the anti European party from which most of the fears and conspiracy theories originate.
Just because they have lunch at the Groucho Club, they think they are a Marxist conspiracy, when in fact they welcome idiots from all parties and all walks of life so long as they have vast quantities of money to exchange for tripe, which is their main product.
By Jove, come to think of it they sound a splendid group, ripping off all that money from all sorts and getting their daft ideas taken seriously by high-ranking people. And they claim to be a charity while raking in a fortune. Ha ha!
Brings a tear to your eye.
Just like when I set up the “Liverpool Way” Ha ha!
CP ladies and gentlemen stands for Complete P***take.
But save them for another day.
Surely we have already been drained enough.
Now wash your hands, and gentlemen please adjust your dress before leaving the polling station.

Tatty Bye Everybody Tatty Bye