THAT SIR DIDDY INTERVIEW WITH JONES THE RHOS IN FULL, PLUS - THE LIVERPOOL H8 CD, RORY STOREY AND THE SHENANIGANS AND CHAS CREOLE!!!!!

By Jove, Missus!

Have you seen the headlines following my guest appearance on the Wicked FM Welsh radio show, 'Friday night with Jones the Rrhos'?

“Fury over Sir Diddy Comments on Rrhos The Interview”

When asked by Rrhos what Diddy missed most about Liverpool, he laughed.

Somewhat taken aback Rrhos said: "I waaaasn’t expecting laughter boyo, is there anything you miss about Liverpool?

“Err, the money” replied Sir Diddy……..

Many people are now saying that Sir Diddy’s return to Liverpool for the opening event was a cynical manoeuvre to remind people of how bloody awful it could have been.

Leader of the City Inconsolable, Wally Bradlow said: "It is sad that Diddy chose not to make up a load of sentimental toss about the city.

"We welcomed him to the event with an open expenses account.

"There’s a lot going on he could have talked about….all the grotty things that we have been busy covering up.

"The Shakespeare company is doing one of his finest comedies, rewritten for Liverpool, 'Two Gentlemen on Perroni'

"We certainly won't be inviting him to this year's Mathew Street Festival…is it on?

"Having spent some time with Diddy, his comments disappointed me and I really thought he was bigger than that."

Comments from local people included:"String him up!"

"Punch him on the chin, if you can find it."

"I think Pete Bounds - the one they got rid of - would have been better."

"He is just too used to the Hollyhead lifestyle."

"He was just here to promote his crap CD 'Liverpool H8 Figure'"

"What a heel!"

By Jove, ladies and gentlemen, having left Liverpool still feeling full of plumtiousness and other free booze at the Malmaison, I wake up next day to find - according to a city opinion poll - I am public enemy Number One, overtaking Hitler, Tarby, Spring Heeled MacIllhinney, Boss Hogg, from the Dukes of Hazard and Beryl Barmpot.

I’ll bet half of the people making these comments didn’t even see my interview!

So missus, to allow you to make up your own mind, I offer the full edited and fiddled about with transcript of my interview, to allow the good and fuuurrrrr…..fuuurrr, we say in Liverpool, fuurrr minded people to decide for themselves.

Here it is.

MUSIC FADES

Rrhos: "The house band, ladies and gentlemen, Four Executive Diwectors and a Fiasco!

Now, shall we bwing the next guest on?

(Audience screaming no and running for exits)

Rrhos: "Here he is, ladies and gentlemen, the one and only, thank god, Sir Diddy Upstart!"

Diddy: "By Jove, they all love me. Love and peace missus. By Jove yes, you look like you’d love a piece.

"Can I say how tickled I was to be in Liverpool last weekend for the City of Custard.

"Where’s me CD? Show em me CD!

"Yes, I was tickled 35,000 times…in cash! What a wonderful weekend.... Hartlepool is great!"

Rrhos: "Now I see you’re still giving it the fingers, wubbing your thumb acwoss them."

Diddy: "Well yes, I’m still trying to spread love of cash. Love of cash everyone!"

Rrhos: "So the only thing you miss is the money?"

Diddy: Well the crowd was excited, so I had to say I was this close to coming back for some more.

"But the Custard Company has spent it and all the budget for the next few years.

"Don’t get me wrong, Liverpool is great, I grew rich there. I have accounts there. But you know. you can only get away with so much before you laugh so hard all the way to the bank that you rupture your clack."

Rrhos: "Now you have had another caweer and been in a few films."

Diddy: "Yes I was great. I played a Robbing Australian Archer alongside Marlon Bradley.

"We were friends for two weeks and then nothing. But he used to come into breakfast meetings with me and start counting the spoons and I’d say 'look, he’s counting the spoons'. Marvellous!"

Rrhos: "I was looking at one of your other movies recently - not the one pwoduced by council staff when you were Chuckle Executive, “Help” - but the more wecent one Health!

"And the humour in that still shines thwough. A fat little gnome lecturing about health and fluffing his lines is still hilarwious.

"Lets’s face it you were cwap. Still available on Youtube. In fact I am gonna make the kids watch it if they don’t go to bed.

"Now we found this photo of you outside a bank in Liverpool, so who are these guys?"

Diddy: "Oh by Jove, that’s Rory Storey and the Shenanigans!

"And you see him, on the end, he was the Jimmy Kendricks of his day!

"And that’s Macca, the dog!

"You know whenever we went away, in those days, we had to take a blonde. I wonder where she is now."

Rrhos: "But you are wearwing big pink money belts. I imagine it must have taken some bottle in Livepool with all the cuts in services to wear that?"

Diddy: "Those moneybelts were useful. When they tried to corner us, we said. 'hey we got moneybelts' and they just handed me another £380,000!"

Rrhos: "So let’s talk about your new CD Liverpool H8.

"Now not only is this on CD, but it is, look at this, available on ligature, I haven’t seen this before!"

Diddy: "Yes, a friend of mine, Chas Creole produces these from his modest offices in Freepark.

"You can wear it around your neck and strangle yourself to death listening to my lectures."

Rrhos: "Diddy, it’s been wonderful to have you here! Give me your bank account number and keep spweading love of cash.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, Sir Diddy!"

(Audience hisses)

End of Interview.

Rrhos: "So, Sir Wichard of Attenborwough, were you ever tempted to shag an Iguana?"

(Cut transcript)

So there you have it missus. I was great!
Lovable, full of plumptiousness and really selling the City of Custard.
Of course, now in Liverpool they are going to have to sell everything to pay for it.

So pop down to the Oh H8 place and show your support by purchasing one of the 08 commemorative products produced by the Royal Dickie Mint “Tears for Souvenirs.”

They are going at cost price - only £1.00 each - and we have at least 26 million of them to shift.

Unfortunately Liverpool Direct is charging the council £2.20 to sell them.

Different budget lines, different lines. It’s all legal.

Ha ha!

By Jove, my Diddymen learned well from the Squire of Grotty Cash and my diddy love child Doc the MacIllMarmaliser.

We get by with a little help from our friends.

Tatty Bye everybody, Tatty Bye!