By Jove! Some comments from a fan and the Notorious Blare on this so called Blog!
Thank you gentlemen or ladies as the case may be.
I fear though, I can take no credit...although I will take cash....for the appearance of this blog.
My humble role is merely a scribe with quill, ink and carrier pidgeon, offering guidance and insight to the good people of Mirthyside, whilst putting the record straight on my charity work, which as you know begins at home.
I had to challenge the wicked accusations of bedivilment and discomknockeration levelled against me and my former Diddymen, by the original Terry Polish, who began this blog followed by 47 others claiming to have the same name.
They can't fool me, that's why they use that picture of Dirk Douglas. It's the old "No, I'm Snagglepuss!" line. 
When all 47 of them suddenly disappeared, suffering from suckertash, Terry's Polishers with their more colourful use of language (mainly blue missus, although they have toned it down, no pun unintended) resurrected this damn thing again.
Now they have provided me with this specific tab, not in support of my wisdom and advice but, I fear, to mock me and make it appear as if my articles and contributions are a joke.
Look at the photographs they use!
Me hair all over the place like Cherie Booth!
Either that or they put up some picture of a constipated hamster that somebody has put a pair of specs on.
Never mind the Standards Board, I am going to the RSPCA!
No mention in the profile of my first class honours degree in speed sausage knotting or that I am a qualified balloonist, yes I can make a poodle in six seconds!
But nevertheless I will continue to fight them and make sure the good people of this fine metrollopus are able to see the other side of the coin, while they still have any coins left.
Oh too late!
I thank you for your support in advance of any decision I may make to stand for Elected Mayor. However, Foghorn Leggarty would no doubt launch a smear campaign which could tarnish the fine reputation I have built up for the city and risk further damage to my legacy.
Now living in Mirth of Tydfill over a disused mineshaft where I keep me valuables, I am probably no longer eligible to stand.
However if the money is right or if there is any left, I could be tempted!
If you want a Mayor for Liverpool, then there are really only two candidates that the public would go for.
The loved and much missed, Fatty Marbrow with his old sidekick Frank Pirrelli dump Dorman as his Mayoress.
A potential Dream Ticket there, depends what you eat before bed. In Marbrow's case everything!
Failing that for Mayor and Mayoress, Peacemaker and now Mersey ferry captain, Jolly Marsden and Sonia.
Both fine, decent, honest and genuine down to earth people......I suppose that rules them out then?
Hang on I have Jeffrey Archer's number here somewhere...I'll get back to you.
Tatty bye Everybody Tattybye
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By Jove Missus, great news! As many of you will know, I have been trying to cash in on the popularity of Old Boy Bands and promote them on my Radio Station Bighead FM. Then I got a marvellous idea while fondly looking at some old emails sent by Rory Storey, and how they helped me get on in the world. I would put my own Boy Band together. I thought let’s do it P-Diddy, but it will need some skilled financial mismanagement. So with that in mind I looked to the man that has not only been at the forefront of helping to promote “My Boy” Bands but who has also presided over the number 1 financial mismanagement in the country, Phil Spectredirector, I thought he hasitall, he was one of my closest Diddymen at Cabal Records and if anyone can help me pull together a rich pool of talentless pop idles it’s him. A wonderful man, modest to the point incredulity, never takes any of the credit for getting to the number 1 spot. Well, I didn’t have to wait long and within just a few months for only £230k we have managed to get Jason Orange (aka Jasper Harbottle) to join the ranks of my very own Boy Band, GRAB THAT! And even better, thanks to the Spectre and Phil/ Colins collaboration, the money has all been donated by my loyal former subjects the good people of Liverpool from their very own pockets, or at least it will be when they get their Serf Tax demand.
I can’t thank the kind hearted people of Liverpool enough for their financial support, without which we wouldn’t have our top line up, the talentless trio, joining me to bring music and laughter to the nationwide and other accounts. So a big thank you for all the money you have given to get the boys together, Jason 230k Chris 50k Kev 50K and my thanks as well for all the help from Warren 50cents.
You may have noticed that all the band are former members of Culture Club, but that means we are ready to re-release some of those great hits like “cowwa, cowwa, cowwa, cowwa council comedians, they come and go, they come and go oh” And the biggest news is that now we have Harbottle,we are hoping to go on our European tour soon, starting in Spain, the Costa Bradlow and culminating in joining Macca himself at Anfield, who rumour has it, will be joined by Blondie, to watch Sir Pole McSlidey.
I think there is a Star Trek convention on at the same time, somebody told me that dozens of tickets have got Enterprise written on them.
Now I know what you are thinking, GRAB THAT! was never the same without Robyn Millions The Aussie Osborne of Tasmanian puppet ballet cabaret.
But dear fans let me remind you, her initially promising hit “Let Me Entertain You” was only in the charts for a couple of weeks before she disappeared from the pop scene without a trace of £375,000. But Robyn, if you’re reading this, “We want it back, we want it back for good”
Now of course the big thing these days is the elusive X factor and if Einstein a go go was right and x = CEX squared or cornered, then it is pretty certain that by May or a lot sooner we could be joined by the X leader of Style less Council, no names, no fire drill. But remember with the X factor, it’s the public who can decide in the end. But a word of warning missus, don’t fall for those phone-in scams, vote in person, don’t dial any of those dodgy 233 numbers, those call centres are ripping you off for Millions! Ha, ha I should know! All the results get Doctored!
So if you want to see us performing, we are hoping to get a gig at the Royal Court, sorry I know many of would prefer the Crown Court but that’s Showbiz and we are prepared, as ever, to take what we can get. And by Jove we’ve got a lot! And to think really it’s all yours Ha ha, that’s why Liverpool will always hold a special place in my wallet. The generosity of scousers is legendary, in fact it’s unbelievable, people laugh when I tell them, but its true ladies and gentlemen God bless the good people of Liverpool for their generosity and humour, thanks to them we are already laughing all the way to the bank before we’ve even released our first single! Maybe we can get a gig at the next Matthew Street Festival too. Yes don’t see why not, just one step farther is all we need. Anyway say nothing for now, sirenz is golden.
Don’t forget when you do come to see us bring, the kids, there’s ice cream in the interval, all the way from Spain.
By Jove yes, Capital of Culture 2008 will be remembered as the event that launched GRAB THAT!
Tatty Bye Everybody Tatty Bye, Not ‘Arf Pop Pickers.
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